Relativism

September 17th, 2008 • 4 comments Acads, High School, Personal, Pointless
Tags: apple, hell, nonsense, piss, relativity, speed of light

“Einstein’s home designed using relativity so nobody could break in and hurt him”

I know, people in hell don’t play Simon Says. But relative to Cerberus, monster form hell which has unbelievably bad dog breath (seeing as it has three heads), and making Ascaris Lumbricoides the inertial frame of reference, we can conclude based from the given controlled group and independent variables, that an apple, in turn, through representations made by equal distribution of goods and services, becomes an orange at speed of light — that is relativity.

Right now is complete baloney. I’ve been getting drunk off my ass with a bunch of retards. Forgive me if this post turns out to be a piss in the wind, but I’m in a total perplexity right now. Gah.

An Apple A Day

July 22nd, 2008 • 7 comments Fiction, Narratives, Random, Thoughts
Tags: apple

In times of despair, an apple a day will always keep the doctor away.

Once upon a time, there was poverty. And from it, came an apple…

I took an apple from a ragged basket of fruit at some park. I rubbed it on my shirt and stared at its shiny surface for a while. The apple was stark red and looked kinda sweet. And so I took a bite, and it was goddamn sweet! So I didn’t hesitate to bite again, and again, and again, until the center part was left. As I swallowed my last bite, I felt something strage went down my throat. Then, I realized that I actually swallowed a seed.

Moments later, I felt something funny moving inside my tummy. Then, it was crawling up to my throat, then out of my mouth. There was a plant growing out from my stomach. I looked awful with that thing stickin’ out of my mouth.

Then, second by second, it grew taller and taller, until its tip reached the clouds. People kept on looking at me and at the plant that just grew out of my stomach. I saw disgust, amazement, and confusion in the faces of the onlookers.

Finally, a man attempted to cut the plant with a saw, but he failed. The plant’s body was too strong for his saw. Then, another man went near with a chainsaw in his hands. The man tried to cut the plant with it as it screamed a loud roar, but just like the first man, he failed. The plant’s body was too strong for his chainsaw. And then, another man came, carrying a jar of bugs. He opened its lid and gently scattered the bugs around the plant on my mouth. But just like the other men who tried to put down the plant, he failed.

Days went by with that plant still sticking out of my mouth. I kinda got used to it though. Then after some months, it seemed that the plant went heavier, and so my feet slowly sunk into the soil until it was just my head that was above ground. Days and nights passed as I saw its first fruit bloomed out from one of its long stems. The fruit of my labor, I thought.

Spring came in with my body still buried beneath the ground, and the plant still standing tall on my mouth. I saw how fruits of different kinds bloomed from the stems of my plant. The people walking around the park saw them and gathered around to pick some fruit. I saw how the whole place come to life. And thus, the fruits of my labor fed the town.

Carrying a tall, tough, heavy plant with my mouth is worth it.

——

Another stupid fiction. Maybe pointless. Maybe not.