I only got a week to save the world

October 25th, 2008 • 2 comments Angst, High School, Humor, Personal, Random
Tags: cat, high school musical 3, laziness, parents, sembreak, sexual desire, upgrade, wordpress 2.6.3, wordpress automatic upgrade plugin

That’s one lazy bitch.

Okay, so I just upgraded this blog to WP 2.6.3. I hate Wordpress for updating every now and then. Gah. But thanks to Wordpress Automatic Upgrade Plugin, I got no worry whatsoever upgrading and I don’t hafta tweak into my blog’s files and all ’cause that freaks me.

Anyway, I don’t wanna turn this post into a paid post about some kickass plugin. For now, I wanna talk about the fresh minty breath of sembreak (I have no idea why it’s “minty”).

Sembreak is synonymous with laziness and as we all know, laziness is students’ favorite pastime. But in my case, teh folks have already told my sister and I that we are obliged to do house chores for the whole sembreak. And as a senior student, that just sucks big time. Being lazy is a tough job, ya knoes. Sometimes, you get butt cramps. And sometimes, when watching TV, your head is not in the right position and you can’t reach the remote, which is terrible.

But whatever the heck will happen to me in this sembreak should turn out awesome. That is, without the folks destroying my plans of pwning this vacation. And what are the plans?

• Watch High School Musical 3 with a group of friends on Tuesday. (teh folks have no idea of this so keep your big mouth shut. I just told them that we have to meet for the upcoming debate at school)
• Well, at least try to read some good books.
• Blow all my money off. (meh. It’s sembreak…what’re the odds?)
• Help my cat relieve all that sexual desire she’s feeling. (STFU. I know what you’re thinking…and it’s not that. What I mean with “relieve” is at least, comfort her)
• Eat a lot.
• Rest a lot.

So before the forces of the parents annihilate my evil plans, I shall, at least, think nice that my sembreak will turn out just fine. *winks*

*Lazy bitch picture courtesy of this link.

——

Thrown about into a world of amiss
Whilst in the saddle of a looped gushing of agitation
Sudden despair, I suppose
But nay…
I
just
pine
thou.

Stay plastic. Stay tragic.

October 20th, 2008 • 5 comments Fiction, Humor, Narratives, Random, Thoughts, XXX

TRAGIC — “”I swear to Walt Disney kid, I’m going to rape you!”

***BEWARE: Uber-lengthy and contains unpleasant words. Lolz. But heck, who cares? Read on…

A real tragic story starts and ends with dullness, and with people who claim to be devastated when it is obvious they’re stoned, dressed in stupid costumes and pretending to die.

One tragic story begins in a far away land where there is nothing but tall, brown grasses. Along the vast area of boring grass and orange sunset, lies a small hut. Living there is a young, fine lady of the name Snowball. Snowball loves to wander off the woods, fluttering like moronic butterflies, swaying her rugged smelly skirt, and singing dumb songs only a fairy-tale tramp would only most likely to sing.

Snowball lives with her aging parents who do nothing for a living, but picking fruits and vegetables from someone else’s farm. One morning, while Snowball’s parents were out to steal food, Snowball was at her bedroom window, talking to birds like a schizophrenic prostitute. “What should I do today, bird?” asked Snowball.
“Tweeeet. Tweet. Tweeeeet.” answered the bird.
“That’s a great idea, bird. But I can’t. Mother and Father would get angry if they would know I’m out.”
“Tweeeeeeeeeeet. Tweeet.”
“Are you sure they won’t know?”
“Tweeet.”
“Okay then, let’s go out.”

Birds are a bad influence. I knew those tweeets mean something. Anyway, so Snowball went out, frolicking in the woods, singing and talking to animals. Fairy tales sure are full of retards. But heck, kids love that.

Before tragedy came in, Snowball felt tired from all that craziness she’d been doing. So, when she came by a stream in the middle of the woods, she felt a bit exhausted. So she took her dirty dress off and dipped into the cold stream, totally nekkid. Birds kept on tweeting, rabbits kept on hopping, and wolves kept of howling as the nekkid Snowball dipped herself, deeper and deeper, into the cold stream.

Read more »

How to end the universe part three - Eggs

October 4th, 2008 • 6 comments How to end the universe series, Humor, Pointless, Thoughts, XXX
Tags: eggs, nuts

An egg always comes before the chicken. But after global warming (all those effin’ green house gasses and stuff), awful eggs spurt semen all over relative strangers. But please think of humanity and moral degeneration every time you yourself is cracking an egg.

Makes sense, doesn’t it?

Eggs can be any object with the substance of a developing baby — so does that mean that the Earth is an excellent example of an egg that has grown far beyond normal size, and fostered numerous moldy life forms, such as grass, trees, humans, and noobs? Meh. So anyway, let’s talk more about eggs. I hate eggs. Specially when they’re served, uhh, kinda raw and liquidy. But I love scrambled eggs and omelet. I hate the fact that eggs came from animals’ twat, but at least, they’re covered in protective shells. And lastly, eggs, like the pointlessness of this post, will blow your minds off like a baby in a microwave.

Egg or chicken?
So which came first, the egg or the chicken? This has been befuddling minds since the BC’s. People say that the egg came first since (mythical) gods lay eggs. But it really goes like this: Adam came first before Eve. Therefore, the egg first before the chicken.

Confusion of some sort
Eggs are closely related to nuts because of chestnuts, walnuts, and hazelnuts, which most of the time, develops confusion of some sort. Another thing, eggs also produce confusion with woman eggs. Woman eggs are found within the vagina. After a woman has sex with a man that doesn’t use condom, these eggs are coated with sticky substance that hatch into people. And lastly, woman eggs should not be consumed like a normal egg.

Finally, how to end the universe with eggs
1. Get a raw egg.
2. Get a spoon.
3. Hold the spoon on top of the egg for ten seconds.
4. Smash the egg hardly on your forehead.
5. Scream.
6. Ponder on which came first, the egg or the chicken.
7. Scream.

*Eggs photo courtesy of this link. Thanks link!