How to end the universe part four - Suicide

November 9th, 2008 • 3 comments Acads, Angst, High School, How to end the universe series, Humor, XXX
Tags: suicide

SUICIDE — Some have even made a game out of it.

It’s just past 2PM and I’m feeling old and dying. It’s raining and it feels like it’s already 6PM. Anyway, I already got my report card yesterday for the second quarter, and my grades are quite satisfying methinks. And apart from everything that has been happening to me lately, let me digress this post to something even more mundane than my grades.

Suicide

Life got you down? Flunked all your subjects? Don’t know what a dog is? Plurk Karma went 0.13 lower? Got raped by a bunch of virgin n00bs? Why go on living with the gut-wrenching guilt when you can just kill yourself, also known as Suicide. With suicide, you can release all that guilt in your tender little heart and let your soul free.

Reasons to Commit Suicide

There are many reasons to commit suicide, including the several emoish reasons. But you need a specific reason why you want to end your life on this planet. If you’re gonna commit suicide just for the hell of it, it won’t count. You’re just being a jerk, I swear.

• You don’t know what “x” in 2x+3 means.
• Your girlfriend/mom/dad/bestfriend/dog left you.
• Your girlfriend/mom/dad/bestfriend/dog died.
• You have read this post and was convinced to commit suicide.
• You have been receiving apathies from your friends with text messages such as “Whatever”.
• You are emo and thus it is your duty to commit suicide.
• You are included in the Tarsius syrichta species, also known as Tarsier, and thus it is your duty to commit suicide whenever you’re stressed.
• You can’t shuffle a deck of cards.
• You don’t know the “F” in “WTF”.
• You stumbled upon this page.
• You’re such a loser.

How to Commit Suicide

There are several different ways on how you can commit suicide. But I’m just gonna share to you the three best methods of killing yourself.

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I only got a week to save the world

October 25th, 2008 • 2 comments Angst, High School, Humor, Personal, Random
Tags: cat, high school musical 3, laziness, parents, sembreak, sexual desire, upgrade, wordpress 2.6.3, wordpress automatic upgrade plugin

That’s one lazy bitch.

Okay, so I just upgraded this blog to WP 2.6.3. I hate Wordpress for updating every now and then. Gah. But thanks to Wordpress Automatic Upgrade Plugin, I got no worry whatsoever upgrading and I don’t hafta tweak into my blog’s files and all ’cause that freaks me.

Anyway, I don’t wanna turn this post into a paid post about some kickass plugin. For now, I wanna talk about the fresh minty breath of sembreak (I have no idea why it’s “minty”).

Sembreak is synonymous with laziness and as we all know, laziness is students’ favorite pastime. But in my case, teh folks have already told my sister and I that we are obliged to do house chores for the whole sembreak. And as a senior student, that just sucks big time. Being lazy is a tough job, ya knoes. Sometimes, you get butt cramps. And sometimes, when watching TV, your head is not in the right position and you can’t reach the remote, which is terrible.

But whatever the heck will happen to me in this sembreak should turn out awesome. That is, without the folks destroying my plans of pwning this vacation. And what are the plans?

• Watch High School Musical 3 with a group of friends on Tuesday. (teh folks have no idea of this so keep your big mouth shut. I just told them that we have to meet for the upcoming debate at school)
• Well, at least try to read some good books.
• Blow all my money off. (meh. It’s sembreak…what’re the odds?)
• Help my cat relieve all that sexual desire she’s feeling. (STFU. I know what you’re thinking…and it’s not that. What I mean with “relieve” is at least, comfort her)
• Eat a lot.
• Rest a lot.

So before the forces of the parents annihilate my evil plans, I shall, at least, think nice that my sembreak will turn out just fine. *winks*

*Lazy bitch picture courtesy of this link.

——

Thrown about into a world of amiss
Whilst in the saddle of a looped gushing of agitation
Sudden despair, I suppose
But nay…
I
just
pine
thou.

Stay plastic. Stay tragic.

October 20th, 2008 • 5 comments Fiction, Humor, Narratives, Random, Thoughts, XXX

TRAGIC — “”I swear to Walt Disney kid, I’m going to rape you!”

***BEWARE: Uber-lengthy and contains unpleasant words. Lolz. But heck, who cares? Read on…

A real tragic story starts and ends with dullness, and with people who claim to be devastated when it is obvious they’re stoned, dressed in stupid costumes and pretending to die.

One tragic story begins in a far away land where there is nothing but tall, brown grasses. Along the vast area of boring grass and orange sunset, lies a small hut. Living there is a young, fine lady of the name Snowball. Snowball loves to wander off the woods, fluttering like moronic butterflies, swaying her rugged smelly skirt, and singing dumb songs only a fairy-tale tramp would only most likely to sing.

Snowball lives with her aging parents who do nothing for a living, but picking fruits and vegetables from someone else’s farm. One morning, while Snowball’s parents were out to steal food, Snowball was at her bedroom window, talking to birds like a schizophrenic prostitute. “What should I do today, bird?” asked Snowball.
“Tweeeet. Tweet. Tweeeeet.” answered the bird.
“That’s a great idea, bird. But I can’t. Mother and Father would get angry if they would know I’m out.”
“Tweeeeeeeeeeet. Tweeet.”
“Are you sure they won’t know?”
“Tweeet.”
“Okay then, let’s go out.”

Birds are a bad influence. I knew those tweeets mean something. Anyway, so Snowball went out, frolicking in the woods, singing and talking to animals. Fairy tales sure are full of retards. But heck, kids love that.

Before tragedy came in, Snowball felt tired from all that craziness she’d been doing. So, when she came by a stream in the middle of the woods, she felt a bit exhausted. So she took her dirty dress off and dipped into the cold stream, totally nekkid. Birds kept on tweeting, rabbits kept on hopping, and wolves kept of howling as the nekkid Snowball dipped herself, deeper and deeper, into the cold stream.

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