Of Aching Legs And Freezing Arms, I Took The UPCAT

August 2nd, 2008 • 9 comments College, Emoshitness, High School, Personal, Thoughts
Tags: NCPAG, UP, UPCAT

Kamusta ang UPCAT? Mahirap ba?

My classmates kept on asking.

Madali lang, kayang-kaya mo ‘yon — was always my answer. I was in fact, lying. And to tell you the truth, UPCAT was the kind of exam I took up with crossed fingers, headaches, a bunch of good lucks and prayers from my family and friends. I took it up unprepared with only a week of review and leafing through a thick reviewer my aunt gave me. So judging from my one week preparation and the fact that the test items that appeared in the exam were sort of simple; I could put UPCAT in the middle, between Brain Drain and A Piece of Cake.

Speaking of brain drain, in spite of my judgement that the UPCAT is in the middle, I had a massive fucking global catastrophe of BRAIN DRAIN during my one week review. So destructive to the brain cells that I still have to review and remember some items while on my way to UP this morning to take the UPCAT.

And so, came the actual event. It was 6:30 AM of Saturday on the 2nd of August. I was sitting at the back row of some air conditioned room in NCPAG building in UP; freezing, since I was wearing no jacket. The rest of the five-hour exam went out swiftly off my mind as I stride my way out of the building. Right now, I don’t even know if I was sure or not on most of my answers. Only one thing is for sure in my memory — the Math subtest was hell.

Pano ka makakapasok ng UP nyan kung ganyan ang mga grades mo?!

I heard within my thoughts. It was my mom, scolding me, right after seeing my grades on the first quarter. It was more like a forethought of something I’m afraid to happen.

Now that I’m done with the UPCAT, now I need to take care of my grades and straighten myself towards my studies. And now that our 1st quarter periodical exam is coming closer, I need to study more.

And I shall.

Scratch Me Like A Matchstick

July 31st, 2008 • 2 comments College, Emoshitness, High School, Thoughts
Tags: UP, UPCAT

The fact that I’ll be taking up the UPCAT this Saturday freaks me. Really. I’ve been suffering brain drain, reviewing for the UPCAT the whole week but it seems like there’s something inside of me that keeps on telling me that I need to absorb more. To tell you the truth, I don’t actually burn the candle at both ends whenever there’s an upcoming exam. Bahala na si Batman. It’s the first time I’m actually doing it. And as a first timer in burning candles, there’s always a chance that the flames at the both ends of the candle, meeting in the middle, might burn my fingers. Chances are, I might drop the candle or I might be brave enough to blow the fire out. Meh.

And so, tomorrow, after classes, I’ll be going with few of my schoolmates to UP to look for the location of our buildings for the UPCAT. I just hope that I can familiarize myself well with the place.

Morning of Saturday is just a few tick-tocks away. And I’m fretting. Thank God if ever I’ll be able to pass the test. And curse Math if ever I don’t.

Taking A Bow As I Hover My Bedroom Floor

July 2nd, 2008 • 3 comments College, Emoshitness, High School, Pointless, Random, Thoughts
Tags: College, graduation, High School, suicide

Months from now, high school will finally close its chapter in my life. And on that time, I see myself zealously walking through the halls of some university while taking up the course I think that fits me. Decisions have to be made. Tangled wires of perplexity have to be undergone. And immature minds have to take a step further to maturity.

And thus, which brings me to this:

What if after graduating from college, right after the day of that very special event, I would suddenly have the feeling of completion, of cessation — and just end my life on that day, the day after my college graduation? What if suddenly, the years of schooling bring me to the conclusion which is death? Suicide. Yeah, I would end my life when it all ends. My mom will just see me hanging in my bedroom without any kind of suicide note and without any reasons at all. What if all of a sudden, I just feel like dying? Would everything be worth dying for?