The wind that blows the leaves
I was so ecstatic to have some full rest, when summer started, away from the worries and hard works of my course. And I thought by May, like what I usually feel every May, I will get bored and miss school, miss studying, miss being mind fucked by mathematical problems and scientific concepts. But May is ending and school will be starting some weeks from now and I don’t feel the usual excitement to go back to school, but I feel bored and tired of resting and of self-isolation in my room all day. I also stopped reading. I am halfway through Henry James’s novella The Turn Of The Screw and I can’t finish it albeit it’s really interesting theme and plot and to think that it’s thinner than an elementary school notebook.
I think I have lost it, the spirit or the energy or whatever you call it.
What I feel right now is the feeling of breaking away. I wanna go away with some people — my friends — to some place where there is great landscape, or to the beach perhaps. And we’ll just talk all the time, eat a lot, take pictures, laugh hard and forget about life and the future — just having fun. I wanna forget about the future, about my career when I get old. I wanna float in the air, as though there’s no gravity. But it’s just really impossible. The future rides on my back like a shell on a turtle and it makes my pace so slow.
I know I sound like I wanna get high on drugs. Please don’t get me wrong, I’m just venting an I have no intentions of snorting coke nor inhaling weed. I just feel so different. Maybe it’s mood swings or maybe I’m bipolar or maybe it’s college.
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Writing is an important part of me and I’m kind of losing it. My writing is getting worse, as I have observed with my previous posts. I lack inspiration and motivation and of things to write about. For sure, I can write about anything but the words to say are on shortage and I can’t catch up with my rapid thoughts. Somebody said that writing is easy, that you just stare at a blank sheet of paper and wait for drops of blood to flow out your head. But bleeding is pretty hard, I guess. Specially if you don’t wanna get hurt.
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On a lighter note, a friend told me I should pursue photography as my career and take it seriously. But I think it’s considered as a hobby for now since I’ll be needing a kick-ass DSLR to be a serious photographer.
Anyway, I have established a photo blog.
http://jmaratienza.tumblr.com
If you’re on Tumblr, follow it if you want. Kthnks.
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