How to end the universe part 2 - THE HARD WAY

August 29th, 2008 • 9 comments Books, College, Emoshitness, Fiction, High School, How to end the universe series, Humor, Narratives, Personal, Pointless
Tags: autistic, bananas, cat speak, College, courses, fucker, Mark Haddon, superhero, The Curious Incident of The Dog in The Night-time

“Life is cruel. Good thing bananas were invented.”

1. Get a banana.
2. Remove the banana peel.
3. Erect the banana.
4. Scream.

——

We took the NCAE last Wednesday and since I finished about three hours ahead of my roommates, I spent my spare time reading The Curious Incident of The Dog in The Night-time by Mark Haddon. You’ll surely find the book weird at first but as you absorb its pages, you’ll know why the book begins with chapter 2.

The book is the best first-person narration I’ve read so far not to mention that the story’s protagonist and at the same time, its narrator, Christopher, is autistic and is gifted at and focused on mathematics — this is reflected by his inclusion of several math and logic puzzles and problems. Well for me, it has been different to read a book based from a point of view of an autistic kid who takes the world literally.

——

I am tired of everything right now.
Going to college has been bothering me so badly. It’s as if I’m currently in front of the altar, about to get married as the crowd waits for my “I do”. It’s a very tough decision, as everybody says. There’s a long list of courses but where do I fit? Where am I actually going to find my safety zone or so they say? To tell you the truth, I also have a long list of things I wanna do. Frustration and perplexity caught me off guard.

Gawd! I have never been this fucking confused in my life. Ever. It’s like now or never. It’s like dying without reincarnation. Or learning the technique on the Rubik’s cube. Or having dyslexia and determining which is b and which is d between “b” and “d”. Or Einstein’s theory of relativity. But you see, the Rubik’s cube, the muddle between b and d, and relativity can be learned and mastered eventually. But choosing which path to take in college needs wisdom, because as I see it, life starts at college.

UPDATE:
I just thought of this one last night.
I have finally settled my self somehow. My dreams are to become:

• A superhero, and save millions of lives each day.
• A world class couch potato, or a mouse potato.
• Be a famous linguistic, majoring in cat speak. In that way, I can fulfill my dream of talking to cats. I know some words, ya knoes: MEOW! MEOW!. It’s cat speak for hello.
• Or at least, be a fucker.

Now tell me, what university offers those kinds of courses, huh?

*Grandma banana picture courtesy of this link. Thnks!

How to end the universe

August 24th, 2008 • 4 comments How to end the universe series, Humor, Pointless, Random, Thoughts
Tags: how to become a superhero, michael phelps, super saiyan, superhero, writer's block

Michael Phelps' power level...it's over 9000!

“I swear…I meant to make him a human.”
-God on Michael Phelps

Meh.

——

Beating writer’s block is a difficult feat. It has long been considered impossible, like licking your elbow. However, some experts recently proved that licking your elbow is feasible, and so beating writer’s block can also be accomplished.

Well, writer’s block makes me wanna consider suicide. Gah!

——

How to become a superhero

The world today is dominated by villains and evil-doers like Math and Physics. The world needs you. Oh yes you…to become a superhero. Save us all!

You are a few steps closer to being a superhero. Here are the steps:

1. Have a very shitty childhood.
2. Have no social skills whatsoever.
3. Be a nerd.
4. Have a close friend or relative get killed, thus, giving you the reason and the will to fight crime, and provide yourself a feeling of duty.
5. Have a no sense of fashion at all.

Or, you might wanna consider these steps too:

1. Be born a mutant. If you’re already a mutant, you already got your abilities!
2. Or you wanna be mutant sometime in your life:

-Be exposed to a fatal amount of deadly radiation…and live.
-Be experimented by mad scientists.
-Have toxic/nuclear waste spilled on you.
-Be bitten/scratched by a radioactive animal.

And also, some miscellaneous ways to become a superhero:

1. Almost die, then build yourself a super cool suit or armor.
2. Be born on a different planet, then come to Earth, where you have superpowers.
3. Mix yourself with sugar, spice, and everything nice. And oh, don’t forget the chemical X.

But before you completely become a superhero, you have some things to think about before swoooshing and kablaaaamming… Read more »

Randomness for the nth time

August 13th, 2008 • 7 comments Random
Tags: Beijing Olympics

Honesty is still the best policy…
Just this morning, as I prepared for school, I went inside my parents’ bedroom to check if I left some things there last night (which shows how messy I am). Then suddenly, out of my nerves, I felt and heard something cracked. I slowly lifted my right foot, and below my black leather shoe was mom’s pink reading glasses. Whew! Thank goodness the glasses themselves didn’t break, but what cracked was its right handle (the thing that you place on your ear, whatever it is).

The next thing I knew was that I was shouting, “Maaaaaa!!! Natapakan ko ‘yung salamin mo!!!”
“Alin, ‘yung pink?!”
“Opo…”
“Nabasag ba?”
“Er…hindi naman…”

I thought that she would fret or would yell at me for being not careful, but good thing she didn’t. Well, at least…I was honest.

What’s wrong with mothers watching the Olympics anyway?
Mother has been watching Beijing Olympics since its Day 1. I’m like, “When the fudge did she ever get into sports?!”. I don’t really mean that mothers shouldn’t watch sports…it’s just so sudden that she always demands the TV tuned on Solar Sports or C/S.

I only have one theory regarding my mother’s sudden amusement with sports — she fancies hot athletes…perhaps? Hmmm…

Will pay any amount for junk food
Canteen’s prices are still uber-high. When did the Philippines ever suffer inflation rate on junk foods? But in all fairness, the canteen is still on demand in spite of its bad reputation. Which, I guess, is a manifestation that kids are desperate for junk foods. But…pshaw! How bad can they be?! I mean, junk foods aren’t really junk. They still have some nutritional value, mind you!